These two should not be allowed out alone!!

Have you seen these 2 "ladies"?

If you do do NOT approach them. The news at twelvty has recently been made aware of these 2 ragamuffins who must not i repeat....MUST NOT...be let out in town alone. It results in loud conversations about nothing (that may be sometimes most enjoyable and?or annoyin to anyone sitting too close), giggling, good food and many many many bottles of wine being drunk in posh bars where normally they wouldn't be allowed. There may also be some dancing.

They have been descibed as professionals, intelligent, very, very pretty, actually some people have described them as being BEAUTIFUL...breathtakingly so in fact...lots of laugh, frantastic dancers and very beautiful. With an amazing sense of style and humanity. Everyone wants to be their friend.

They are commonly spotted is pubs after work hours or on Drudy hill during work hours (when its sunny) laughing, counting their change (to see if they can get another pint or 5), discussing the virtues of the wine on the wine list and then drinking a bottle (or 3) of the "best" (in their opionion...well it doesn't really matter after the second one) , singing and laughing...a lot. Oh we do....I mean THEY do THEY do love to laugh.

If you do spot these 2 out and about round Dublins fair city, you can contact the News at Twelvty.....cos we defo want to be where they are!!!

1st Unofficial Meeting of the Unofficial Tallaght Aluminatta

On the 19th of October in Jurys hotel IT Tallaght hold the first Annual Almuni Black Tie dinner to celebrate the establishing of the Tallaght Alumni.....they have actual alumni now! And i am one. And so are my friends.

But we're not classy enough for Black tie and plus the Toaiseach will be there and the last time Caroline and him were in the same room...well....it wasn't pretty. And plus we're all broke. 60squids to see the taoiseach I don't think so.

So we held our own!!! No admission fee. No dress code. Some beverages. Pizza. Lots of pats on the backs and a pinch of dancing.

The night was a complete success and featured faces not seen in ages. There was also a reunion of Charlies Abba...an abba tribute band/undercover crime fighters. Times were tough in the first years of college. You did anything you could make some dough and keep drinking. It was a tearful meetin. But we've never lost it!!

It was an oppurtunity to catch up with faces of old. Some had changed most had not. There were many a tale, new and repeated, spun. It was Dan who stole the show. He kept Caroline and Frances intrigued with his stories of his missionary work in Hollywood, Co Wicklow. Hes such a charmer.

All of a sudden, out of no where my neck got really really sore and I couldn't turn to the right. Which made it particularly difficult to tlak to Caroline as she was sittin on my right. We used mirrors. It was really really sore. Juanine had no sympathy whatsoever. She thought i was only faking.

Peter and Simon on the other hand felt my pain. They even did the sore neck dance so I wouldn't feel like such a twat for doing it. And while it didn't help the pain in my neck it did put a smile on my face!! And they may have come up with a new dance. Perhaps for the next edition of the guide to dancing!?

We then started to think about all the things we learned in Tallaght, inside and outside the classroom (Tallaght didn't really have lecturer theatres. Well we had one but it was relly quite small)

How to be smart.....

Of Course we got an education there and are all particularly smart. AN dall have great smart jobs now with our smartness. Especially when wearing Simons glasses. (the time i walked into the mirror in the foggy dew is not included. It was an optical illusion I tells ya). Also has anyone noticed Peter Brien only owns one bleeding shirt!!??

How to love others......

not necessaily how to love back. Peter is very open and comfortable with his platonic love for Simon because of the man love: It doesn't mean you're gay 101. Simon didn't go to that class. he went bowling instead.

How to dress ourselves...

This course was a particularly hard for Simon he had to take it 3 times before he passed it. But he did...eventually. And now he can dress himself all by himself. And we're all so proud of him. Its a pity though that he got the wrong jacket.

Self defence...

No offence to anyone from or living in Tallaght, but we all know that it can be a little rough. In places. And so it was of particular importance to learn to defend ourselves. Here we see Caroline and Peter reenacting a typical muggin. Note the terror on Carolines face. It was very well acted on peters part. HitchHikers guide to the Galaxy suggest holding onto your towel. In tallaght it was your scarf.

Education on world religions

A little known fact about IT Tallaght was a steep tradition in world religions. If people worshipped something so did we!! WE had dabbled in Kabahlah and tossed it aside when Madonna was still a Buddhist. Here we see Peter and Dan practising teh ancient art of snake charming your pint.

How to dance....

Did you think i was a natural!!?? Oh god no. I learned everything I know about dancing from the mean halls of IT Tallaght. Jazz hands was a real favourite and it turms out it can work on camera...you just have to do it right. You know if the science thing ever doesn't work out, we could be red coats in Butlins.

Photography...

Caroline took a course in photography while in tallaght on Monday evenings. She learned development and how to zoom and special effects and portraits. Hs ewas intorduced to the most expensive and modern photographic equipment. They never learned how to handle a fun camera though.

Twas a great night. Good times were had by all. The thoughts of leaving to go home were almost as scary as leaving college and realising we had to get ACTUAL jobs and do ACTUAL work and ACTUALLY get up early in the morning!!! And then for some reason Dan took his shoes off.

Come to Tallaght....its nice there!!
It wasn't all that bad and I did meet some of the most frantastic peeps in the whole wide world!!! If you too are a Tallaght Alumni and are not arsed paying the 60 bucks to join the actual alumni...come join us. You can contact the news at twelfty....this is Poncho Tonto signing off.

Feature of the week: let the news at twelvty show you how to dance

....with roving reporter Tonto, introducing you and teaching you the latest moves and grooves round Dublin so that you don't look a fool in the clubs of Dublin

No need to thank me

1. the air guitar

Ciaran is only a beginner at the whole air guitar so he has opted to dancing with an actual guitar. Ruadhan is laughing at him but be discouraged to try it too. Contrary to popular belief, the air guitar is actually coming back. SO don't be left behind. You've been warned!!

2. Jazz hands

Don't be put off by the photo cos as we've found here at the news at twelvty jazz hands do not always come across well in photos (for whatever reason) but just look at the smiles on these young hipsters faces.

Jazz hands = fun = happy people....its undeniable

3. Vogue

If Madonna thought us anything worth while it was how to vogue. It doesn't suit everyone though. Some people on the other hand just got it....

4. The Monster Mash

This was a popular dance in the 1960s to a popular song by a popluar band.

This is how to dress like a monster this is NOT how to do the monster mash. I wouldn't worry about his dance to much as i said it was only to one song and its not all that hot.

5. RAVE!!!!

Nobody really knows exactly how to rave cos no one ever rememebers. The photo above represents the memory of the raver the day after the night before. It sure is fun though. Arm waving is involved...I think

With our exclusive special cameras we could desifer and uncode an actual undeciferable rave picture....Raves are scary places...they even scared your fearless roving reporter Poncho tonto and her friend Roisin the Raver

6. The final result....the end of the night

After a hard nights dancing its nice to just sit around and relax with a drink or two regailing stories and swopping dance moves. Greg is not used to all this dancing so is finding it hard to stay awake listening to Ciarans champion dance moves. It seems the actual guitar playin air guitaring went down a storm.

So there you have it. The ultimate guide to dancing. And sure if all else fails...JUST GO NUTS!!!

This is poncho tonto...signing off.

BREAKING NEWS.....2 Spoons in near fatal accident that nearly cost them their swimshorts

On the something of September 200andwhatever, on a seemingly sunny non eventful day in Australia land, 2 bored Spoons, Peter and Pat Spoon, went for a jet ski. Little did they know it may have been their last....dendenDENNNNNN!


Legend has it that these monstrosities of machines can reach speeds of up to 100miles an hour...AN HOUR!! I can't even think that fast. But there was no one to comment on this for sure.

Above is an eye witness account of the incident, as recalled by a passing clown fish who wishes to remain anonymous, lets call him Femo.

Electric picnic...it was just soooo nice!!

Yes yes...i went back to Laois for the electric picnic. But this time I brought my tent!! It was oh so much nicer than Oxegen. Oh so much nicer. The food was nicer. The people were nicer. The place was nicer. The weather was nicer. It was just much nicer!!! The people were apparently taller...but I managed alright.

Me and Ethna and Caitriona left Dublin in the early hours of Saturday Morning....11.50....in search of Stradbally. Luckily, others had saved us a space right near the entrance so when we got to the campsite we didn't have far to go and we had people to play with!!! Yay!!

They was many other things to do in Stradbally besides going to see great music provided by the likes of the Flamming Lips, Mercury Rev, De La Soul, the kills ( i thought they were particularly good) arcade fire....to name but a few. Lots of things indeed. My favourite was the Silent Disco. Ethna took the robot a bit too seriously.

With those ear phones on you couldn't but wanna play dj. Everywhere should have silent discos!!

Another big hit were the hammocks. While I queued to provide my weary festival buddies with pear cider...mmmm pear cider, they slept.

On our way into the Body and soul area, ou tof no where a copper dumped a bag of cans on the ground. It was free for all!!

We could bring said cans and any other ones we found/bought or otherwise acquired anywhere as long as "security" couldn't see them. But there was one place where no can dare tread...

Only things allowed in there were frogs and hippies.

Other notable entries: meet and greet kinda with Wayne Coyne...he's so lovely!! But late...he was watching the band I was before I left to go see him. Boo!! oh and their giant bubble they used to run across the crowd. Bu then he apologised for the trampling so all was good. Hes just soooo lovely.

And then it was all over. Packed up the tents and off we trot home. I slept the whole way...and today i was oh so tired...oh so tired. Roll on next year!!