Dallas: The movie!!

Ah Dallas!!

JR. Bobby. Sue ellen. OIl Tycoons. And a massive house with no toilet. Dallas conjours fond memories for us here at the Big News at Twelvty. I can remember sitting by the fire, waiting for my hair to dry before I went to bed listenin to the title credits. dendadendadendaaaadadadadaaaaa

Oh you know how it goes.

And like all other classic 70s and 80s programmes, its going to be made into a movie and the big news at Twelvty can exclusively reveal who will play the lead of JR Ewing. Ladies and gentlemen, introducing JR O'Meara as JR Ewing.

Face wear.....for the lady what has no time for makeup

Been out all day. Working maybe. Just not bothered to retouch the ol war paint. Or maybe ya just can't. Well here at the Big News at Twelvty have that problem all the time....being the workaholic social butterflies that we are, so we have come up with some free to cheap alternatives to make up for the gal on the go, to distract from the fact that you may not be looking your best.

Let the Big News at Twelvty show you how to cover up the fact your not looking your best for real cheap without the use of make up!!

The first method is a favourite here at the 'News, the Superhero Mask. It is very effective and encourages people to laugh with you rather than at you. It is also a useful ice breaker at parties.

"Can you do the Superhero mask??!!"

In fact thats how Jean met her bo, Brian. He blew her out of the water with his.

You may remember a little while ago on a trip to Edinburugh that Tonto had a big problem and was unable to correctly preform the traditional Superhero Mask (as demonstrated by Brenda). She still has trouble and is still ridiculed.

So Tonto opts for the pose we like to call the FoShizzle.

Again an easy method of hiding that can also be incorporated into a dance. It is also a sneaky way of stincking your fingers up at people you don't like.

For the extra daring lady there is of course Brenda's line of FAceWear, which in short os whatever piece of paper, flyer, beer mat that you happen to find on the table, floor, sink in front of you.

In this case we used flyers. They're cleaner. As already mentioned, this method is for the more daring lady as it will attract the most attention and weird ass looks from other punters.

But of course, beauty is on the inside and honestly most pubs in Dublin are very very VERY dark, which is great, oh adn beauty is on the inside blah blah blah. Sometimes we find it better and much more fun just to pull funny faces. With all of these methods we find it best to pretend like you are being absolutley stone faced serious and not to show any signs of embarrassment...as it may be seen as a sign of weakness. And weakness = ridicule.

NO FAIR!!! Juanine and McFabulous look good in that photo!!

The Big News at Twelvty go on HOLIDAYS!!!

Its been a tough year for the Team at the Big News at Twelvty, what with all the rovingness, dancing, lawsuits and nose taking. So Tonto decided her team needed a break and brought all her reporters who weren't already on holiday on a mini holiday to Galway.

Galway, for those who are stupid, is a small city in the far west of Ireland. It is visited by many, many people every year. Most of these people are from Dublin, visiting for the weekend in an attempt to escape the throngs on hens parties and stag dos that flood into Dublins fair city from England. They are recognisable by their "L" plates, white veils and ball and chains and bare arms...even in winter! No one can afford coats in England it would seem. But this is another story for another time.

Team I ate your leaf (as we were for the weekend..it means i love you in African....the spelling may be wrong but thats how its pronounced sort of. Honest!!) arrived in Galliamh (Irish for Galway...honest) at approximately 9.30pm and headed straight for a bar. It had been a long train journey and Budweiser sucks. Such relief to taste nice beer.



Here is Tweedle-Ro and Tweedle-Or, the two newest members here at the 'Twelvty. They're twins but are only siamese at the weekend. Its like their party piece and a major reason they were hired to the Big News at Twelvty.

The Big news at Twelvty has quite the fan base in the west and it wasn't long before Tonto was recognised. She always has time for her fans and stopped to pose for some pictures, sign autographs, kiss babies, open restaurants....that sort of thing.

It was, indeed, a very magical....even spooky weekend. In the toilets of the crappest club in Galway (no exceptions), as Tonto and Tweedle-Or posed for photos we encountered two friendly spirits who wanted in. They looked awfully familiar.

McFabulous has been a student of magic tricks for, oh, about 2 weeks now and was very keen to show off her stuff. When Team I ate your Leaf were expelled from the worst club in Galway, they found themselves beerless and bored. But with one wave of her magic wand, a bottle of beer appeared out of Tontos bag, as if by magic....It was as if it had been in there all along!! Juanine couldn't believe her eyes and begged for a pony. However McFabulous had not reached that chapter in her notes yet.

Tonto was not all that impressed by McFabulous's supposed "magic". Mc Fabulous soon showed her.

With another quick swoop of that magic wand, McFabulous DISAPPEARED TONTO'S FACE!!!

That sure showed Tonto. After much laughter, taunts, tears (of mercy from Tonto for her face to be put back) it was returned in time for more pictures with more fans and some beautiful Galway scultures. Tonto can't help her fame!! Tonto also managed to do some magic herself and magiced another bottle of beer from her bag. Who needs a magic wand when you have a very big bag.

The next morning, heads were sore, memories a little hazy and in general we all smelled. In a matter of minutes Base I ate your Leaf became alive and transformed into Salon I ate your Leaf as the room became a haze with beauty products, and the sound of hair dyers, as award winning hair straightener, Dances with Strobaker, did her thing. Dances is from the same northside tribe as Tonto and has a simialr bedside manner...ie none. Watch how she ignores cries from Tweedle-Ro as she screams for the tangles.

After the application of cold compresses and a spot of coffee, the team were ready to hit the streets of Galway. Like they just stepped out of a Salon. The team were ready and posed until McFabulous spotted something shiny and Juanine saw a pony she really wanted, and well the rest all fell out of place.

McFabulous, a native of the western coast of Ireland and most frequent visitor to Galway, took it upon herself to educate the Easterners of the group on the ways of the west. She pointed out castles, various pubs, rocks, places she has kissed boys, nice beaches, places where Dublin folk are allowed...

However some members of the group had other ideas. Juanine had her sights on yet another pony in the other direction and held her breath until we brought her to see it.

Being the good Catholic girls that they are, Team I ate your Leaf decided to get in a spot of mass. After much discussion the sermon was deemed good but a bit too long and that the man in the back row wasn't nesscessarily there for the mass.

After mass, Dances returned to base to reboot and the rest of the team continued to the beach...well we were on holidays. The sun shone (sometimes in bewteen the rain) so bucket, spade, frisbees and 99s were purchased because, afterall, we were on HOLIDAYS!!! Shoes and socks were removed and some of the braver members of the Team (Tonto and Juanine) venturered into the icy cold waters of the mean Atlantic Ocean for a paddle. Toes were almost lost and no dobut there maybe cases of pneumonia in the near future butit was all in the name of fun.

Here, Tweedle-Ro demonstrates that no one looks cool picking up a frisbee.

Stay tuned for the next installment of the Big News at Twelvty go on HOLIDAYS!!!!

Weather Report

The Journal of Team Adventure recently reported torrential rain in Bangkok.

Well not to be out done the Big News at Twelvty would also like to report torrential rain. But in Dublin. And it wasn't quite torrential...like no rooves collaspsed in or anything. But Tonto and Juanine did get very wet.

Visibitly was imparied....slightly. And Juanine was forced to drive at a respectable speed!!

Juanine was grumpy at Tonto for making her walk and without even the promise of a Mr Coffee.

Tonto has come prepared with a raincoat. But had trouble with the hood, which resulted in walking into various items such as poles and Juanine. Which in turn resulted in swear words and laughter...from Juanine.

The rain stopped and calm was restored once more to Fun Laoighaire. But the choppy waves and darkened clouds made the explorers think it was time to go home. So they went to the pub...to get warm.

(I really just stuck this photo in to see if I can make Simon home sick.)

So in summary the weather last Sunday in Fun Laoighaire (or however its spelt) was very rainy with occasional sun thrown in to make the unsuspecting walker think it was ok to take their raincoat off before lashing again. I think the wind was north westerly but I'm probably making that up. I'm a roving reporter not a meteorologist!! Oh and for further reference dark clouds = rain = Tonto gets wet so has to wear her rain coat and ends up with bumps on her head.