Juanine makes enemies

It has come to the attention of us here at the Twelvty that a certain member of the Twelvty has been throwing her weight around a bit much and as a result has been rufffling a few feathers and making people cry. As always the Twelvty has photographic evidence.

It all started a few weeks back when this certain person...we will call her Juanine (oops)...was asked for a photo of her tattoo. One thing led to another and she refused then to pose with her friends and colleagues for a silly face segment Tonto was planning on doing.

While Tonto didn't mind too much, Peter was none too happy. A fight ensued and led to silent treatment and dirty looks.


Although the two made up by the end of the night, with the intervention of Mr Jack Daniels, it was an awkward 20mins.

Next was an altercation with a Mr Conor over a remark her being a loser for going home early. It lead to an hour long rant at how she wasn't a loser and that the Kings of Leon were not gay....


....and Jean crying.....well pretending not too.

....and Phil Gill getting beaten up by Tonto. (which Tonto is very sorry about, she just felt like a fight and Phil just happened to be there. It had nothing really to do with Juanine)

So why is Juanine causing fights left right and centre and leaving a path of destructions and scared people in her wake? The experts are putting it down to stress and a hormonal imbalance. But we are at the Twelvty, well we just don't know. Testing resumes in the morning.

Minister for candy in Shock Shock HORROR!!

Why does Minister for Candy, Caroline Lovebug Monks, look so shocked!? And why does Tonto looked so ashamed. Well because the Minister for Candy uncovered Tontos "little" secret. That Tonto is in fact little.



Although this fact has been known to many a folk for the longest time and was covered as a story by the News at Twelvty sometime ago, Caroline was non the less caught unawaress by the tinchiness of Tonto when she was standing beside Kate on a recent night out.

Back??!!

Apologies dear fans of the Twelvty for the very long abscence. It has indeed been too long. It took me a while to get over the trauma of being locked up by my friends and fellow nationalists of Drunkendancesstan. But I am back. With a small notice to explain my abscence.

For you see after my lock up, I took up cycling to try and vent my anger and frustration but ultimately to get out of traffic. It was all going so well. I had found myself in Belgium where cycling was discovered apparently. They first starting cycling there before even the invention of the wheel! Believe it or not. But disaster struck when I came across my biggest enemy to date. Being a roving reporter I have many enemies, like Juanine the Mehican and Simon town jester who I outted for being a smelly pants not so long ago. But this was no mortal enemy he was made of steel.

I spent weeks and weeks in a head lock for power. It was a struggle that nearly ended me. But I did it. And nothing on this earth could compare to the joy I felt when I finally figured out how to open my bicycle lock.

I'm back! Plus I got a new camera. Long life the Twelvty!!!

Plot to lock up Tonto....FOILED!!!

An evil plan to kidnap Tonto was foiled.....FOILED....during the week. McFabulous and Juanine thought it would be hilarious to trick Tonto into a tricky trick and hide her away in an attic. All so they could have some peace and quiet.

While Tonto visited the little ladies room, Juanine struck and placed a stupid pill into Tontos drink to make her silly and easily lead. And all while McFabulous kept watch for Tontos return.

Later that night then as the three prepared for a night on the tiles, Juanine told Tonto that there may be chocolate in the attic. Really nice chocolate.


While a bit suspicious, Tonto couldn't resist and crept cautiously up the stairs.



And BAM!!! Mcfabulous closed and locked the gate after her!!! Trapping her in the attic.



Despite her deperate pleas and cries and howls, McFabulous and Juanine fed her some scraps and headed out for a nice dinner in an expensive restaurant.

But they neglected the fact that Tonto is a clever little minx and after a few hours whinnng to herself, managed to sneakily sneak down the stairs and escape.

But it was late and the scraps had filled her up something else, so after an hour or two of telly watching pottered back up to bed.

The other two got lost but had a very pleasant night out without Tonto. (photo missing due to stupid computer)

Spot the difference

The Big News at Twelvty are just back from a fantastic week away in mostly Belgium. One of the most famous...or infamous...symbols of Belgium is the cheeky chappy the Manneken Pis.

As legend has it he saved the city of Brussels from burning down altogether lots of years ago by peeing on the flames. What a boy!! We love him here at The News at Twelvty!!

But can you tell the difference between the real Manneken Pis and the wannabe Manneken Pis!!??

REVEALED!!!! Dublins terror cyclist

Last night, roving reporter Tonto, who is never off the job, caught the first exclusive pictures of the latest terror to hit Dublin....the terror cyclists. She strikes fear into the hearts of all who cross her path. Old age pensioners are afraid to leave their homes, just in case...

But the Big News at Twelvty caught her....its none other than JUANINE!!!! Just look at the sheer delight in her eyes as she approaches unsuspecting casualties.


Tonto nearly became her latest victim after an altercation with Juanine. A misunderstanding.

First Juanine thought that Tonto and Lisa were laughing at her. Which of course is only partially true. We were laughing with her. Sort of.

Well she was dancing funny.

Then while dancing herslef Tonto may have accidentally whalloped her across the back of the head, which ofcourse she did not like at all.

Juanine has since realised the error of her ways and is attending the appropriate nger managment classes. Also she has given Tonto back her bike and vowed never to cycle again.

FamouspersonITIS...a real threat.

It has recently come to the attention of the Big News at Twelvty that a strange, infectious, potentially deadly disease is sweeping the nation. You may laugh but this illness is no joking matter: Famouspersonitis.

Famouspersonitis was first identified 3 weeks ago in the capital of Drunkendancesstan, which is also, conincidentally, the HQ of the Big News at Twelvty. Three unsuspecting young persons became the first patients to be infected by the many forms of the disease. Of course we have photos.

1. Hitleritis

The most common and most deadly of the famouspersonitissss. The victim's appearance begins to resemble that of Hitler, the meanest dictator of all time. While the personality of the patient is not altered in the slightest it is very very hard to look past the exterior.

Here Roisin begins to display the first signs of Hitleritis and tries to cover her symptoms up. Note the black hair, sleeked back and parted to the side and the unmistakable moustache.

Here Juanine appears to be in the late stages of Hitleritis.

In this picture, Tonto, no less, is completely subdued to the virus. Well, scientists think its a virus...they're still investigating. She is joined by Roisin, again, who made a complete recovery from Hitleritis only to become infected by Gregitis. This is a much less harmful disease. Symptoms include looking like a legoman and abusing celebrities.

2. Chaplinitis

Very very similar to Hitleritis but a lot less evil, borderline comical in fact, although not of course to the patient, whose vision can become affected. The patient may loose all colour in their vision and may only be able to see in black and white. The reason for this is yet unknown

Greg exhibits a full blown Chaplinitis which seems to make him think he can sing. He was orginally diagnosed with Hitleritis but when he didn't manifest any of the Hitleritis symptoms such as trying to speak German, his condition was reclassified. (as yet no picture)

3. Licolnitis

Still fairly uncommon in these here parts but as you can see Roisin just cannot escape the wrath of any of the famouspersonitisisss.

There is still no known cure but scientists maintain they are close to achieving one. Prevention is better than cure so the best advice upon sight of a potentially infected person...do not approach them and alert the authorities. Stay at a safe distance and laugh from there.